Polly McAfee

Experienced psychosexual and relationship therapist and trainer. Particular interest in working with queer relationships and those wanting to create a magnificent sex life

Starting therapy is hard. Accepting that you want help.  Finding someone you respect and feel that you can open up to; someone who will both support and challenge you. Making the commitment to yourself. Budgeting. Accepting that it isn’t likely to be a quick fix.

I am aware that you will first meet me with many doubts in your mind. I think meeting online for a chat is the best way to explore whether you want to work with me, but in the meantime here is a bit about how I conceive therapy.

To me, therapy is fundamentally a process of self-acceptance. Becoming aware of how we habitually respond, what has informed that, and what choices we want to make, now, in our lives and relationships going forward. To do that I think it helps to notice what is going on in our body, as well as our mind, heart, reactivity and what we might call our spirit or soul. Whether I am working with you as an individual or a couple – or other relationship – I will encourage you to connect with these aspects of yourself and the wisdom they hold. I will support you to find the courage to live authentically and to communicate your real desires and feelings. I am comfortable talking about sex, bodies and intimate relationships, and also other important aspects of life like family, friendships, work, loss and grief, and meaning and purpose or the lack of it.

Clients often find it helpful to deconstruct norms and values they have unwittingly inherited, and my diversity-affirming stance lends itself well to working with queer folk and those in non-traditional relationship structures. Having said that, questioning automatic assumptions and scripts can be liberating for people of all identities!

Clients have described their work with me as transformative. They have described me as gentle, calm and clear. Ultimately, though, you will have to meet me to know whether I am the right therapist for you.

Practice description

I work both online and in person from Ashburton, Devon. I find that online work can be just as effective as in person, providing the client allows time beforehand to prepare, and afterwards to reflect. That time is built in if you are attending in person, but can easily be lost when working online.

Sessions are 60 minutes for individuals, and up to 90 minutes for couples and other relationships.

I also work as a trainer of other therapists, helping them feel more comfortable and confident working with sex and relationships, and  am co-author with Cabby Laffy of the book ‘LoveSex & Relationships: an integrative model for sexual education (Routledge 2023).  I love running groups, including sexuality groups for women and queer folk, and ‘Grace & Chaos’, a group facilitation training with Nick Totton (2023).