On March the 23rd lockdown came into force in the UK and many shops immediately closed, one of the first casualties locally being our local news agents who shut its doors, meaning the delivery of paper newspapers was halted. I live in a rural area where the populations average age is 50+ meaning we have a large population of elderly residents who depend on local facilities and are not hugely computer literate. We are lucky we have a wonderful community and local volunteers soon realised that many depended not only on the newspaper for news, but the routine of collecting it for companionship and a chat and to relieve loneliness. As such a delivery and distribution round to the over 70’s some of whom were isolating alone, was started. Other volunteers also delivered groceries, medicines and meals cooked by local chefs and delivered to their door, again providing another opportunity of engagement as well as making sure their nutrition was kept up to boost immunity.
By far the most difficult aspect of lockdown was the terrible fear and loneliness that this age group suffered which potentially could have had a very negative impact on their on-going mental health. Many of those sheltering had family who were devoted, but they lived far away and could not physically see their relatives or touch them and for many of the elderly, zoom was a step too far. Below are some tales from lockdown of loneliness and at times despair and how simple acts of kindness can make such a difference to a community to the individuals within it.
Amy is a fit lady age 96 living alone and fiercely independent, used to getting out every day for a walk and a chat she has only recently stopped driving. As soon as the paper was delivered she would trot to the door and fling it wide open just to be able to have a socially distanced chat about something that was not coronavirus. She said the loneliness was a physical pain that started every morning and grew all day leaving her mournful at night and aching in her chest. A local teenager in co-operation with her son, who lived miles away, managed to help her get a new phone and taught her how to work it using posters he created and stuck on the outside of her window so she could facetime not only her family but friends.
John is 70 with underlying health problems and just before lockdown bereaved of his lovely wife of 40 years. Having recently moved to the area he did not have many friends and had no children. He could not stop crying and was losing weight fast. Free home deliveries of food meant he had a nutritious meal and a volunteer sat outside and chatted to him while he ate ensuring companionship and routine. A local volunteer also rang him twice a week to chat and help him plan small tasks that helped him feel back in control of life.
Celia is in her 90’s she cares for her husband who has dementia “ he is long gone thank god” she said when I first met her “ he knows nothing of this and so is happy”. Fred was in a local nursing home but because of Coronavirus, Celia could not see him. On her birthday in lock down a young volunteer made her a cake and card and left it on her doorstep. She had not had a birthday cake for years and was so moved.
ON VE day local children made TV programmes of the events with hand drawn cards to be handed out with cake made by local mums. This simple act brought the young and old together and was so important in validating the older generations experiences.
It was not just those living alone who suffered loneliness. Some couples used to a social network and routine when left alone found it hard to navigate their relationships and for many the hidden difficulties of their normal day to day life were amplified. While this was trickier to help, the acts of care at least meant the couple had a network to individually support them.
I realise I am luck to live in such a community but these acts of kindness do not take much time, cost little, and do not need to be very complicated. However they mean such a lot especially when you are lonely, isolated and vulnerable. Now that the end of lock down looms it is vital that we do not forget this and continue to care for our communities especially the elderly, recognising the awful toll of loneliness on the individual and society as a whole.
#LetsTalkLoneliness
By COSRT’s Jo Coker.