Before we say I do – new podcast launches today with Denise Van Outen and partner Eddie Boxshall
By Cate Mackenzie
Denise Van Outen and her partner Eddie Boxshall decided to make a six-part podcast with Verizon Media to help them to decide whether to get married. They have been together for seven years and feel that they are very much in love. They want to take that next step in commitment to each other and felt it would be helpful to have some sessions to explore this.
Verizon Media arranged six different couple sessions from Psychosexual Therapy, Psychotherapy, Laughter Therapy, Psycho-energetic Therapy. Cooking Therapy and Hypnotherapy to help them with this journey. Each episode is an hour and launches today. You can subscribe to the podcast here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/before-we-say-i-do/id1552187628.
My episode comes out today and I created a session where I used a method called Encounter based Therapy or Bridging developed by Hedy Schleifer from the Imago Scripts of Harville Hendrix. I had a weekend on Bridging on the NAOS Advanced Couple Counselling Diploma and I decided to do the nine month training with Sue Wintgens and Noa Rockman. Harville developed scripts to help couples listen to each other in different areas of their lives from sharing joy to how to turn a resentment around or how to make an amend. Hedy added a piece of neuro-science where she makes sure the couple feel relaxed and open by guiding them to relax and feel their body and give each other appreciations before one person deeply listens to the other. When people’s nervous systems are more regulated and relaxed it can be easier to be available, responsive and engaged in connection (Are you in an ARE place was developed by EFT’s Dr Sue Johnson to discover whether a person is ready to listen and share).
Since I only had an hour and it was being filmed I wanted to keep the couple as safe as I could and not open up any big difficulties. I wanted to give them a simple session to connect and listen so I began with guiding them to appreciate each other and holding hands. The hand-holding builds oxytocin (the happiness hormone) in the couple and also begins to help to create a playful bond and a safer container to help the listening. Then I guided one partner to listen deeply to the other sharing a lovely memory of their connection. With the time boundary we had space for one Bridge and some appreciations. It seemed that it reminded them of their early connection when they had spent a lot of time together as just the two of them. In the words of Emotionally Focussed Therapy creating a safe container can seed a feeling of attachment and the couple can get more in touch with feeling the love that they really feel for each other. They then may wish to look at the rupture and repair that happens in any relationship and the tools to negotiate this. What I hoped is that I could give them a window into what it is like to slow down enough to really be with each other and plant the idea that when we create the space and time to talk in a safe and contained way the relationship can benefit.
Please tune in, I hope you enjoy it and I hope that it shows that couple work is becoming more mainstream and easier to talk about and that the taboo on asking for help is becoming lifted.
Cate Mackenzie is a COSRT Accredited Psychosexual Therapist and Couples Counsellor.